


I want the fire back

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Introspection, Lies, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 13:17:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14473536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: Those fingers, cold, touching him, those wide palms, cold, caressing him slowly, they didn’t seem like they belonged to the one he had loved before.





	I want the fire back

Kei was smiling to Daiki.

They had spent the day together, neither of them had to work and they had been inside from morning till night, doing nothing in particular, but at least together.

Kei was grateful for it.

Now they were lying in bed, after having had sex, and neither seemed to want to go to sleep, not yet.

The elder had rested his head on Daiki’s chest, letting him caress his hair and letting go to that touch, closing his eyes and thinking.

Not that he actually wanted to, but it was like the exact moment his mind wasn’t kept busy anymore, it worked on its own and lead him to places he didn’t want to see.

When they had first gotten together, he remembered Daiki being happy like he’d never seen him, that he had spent the early times of their relationship spoiling him, almost idolizing him.

Those times passed quickly, and things between them had become more normal, healthier, more suited to a couple of guys loving each other.

Then, slowly, everything had slipped into the routine of a life spent chasing work and college and duties, and the habit of having each other.

So Kei had decided to make the first move, and trying not to think about the Arioka Daiki that would’ve once sold his sold his soul to the devil just for him, he had humbly lowered his head and had tried to be a constant presence for him, he had tried to be proactive and to always tend to his necessities, trying not to have him even lacking anything, satisfying all of his whims, even the most trivial ones.

He wasn’t much of a boyfriend anymore, more of a servant masked as a lover, but he would’ve accepted  it gladly if the other boy would’ve shown to appreciate those attentions and that care. Or even just to notice them.

Daiki, instead, had stayed the same. None of Kei’s efforts seemed to impress him, nothing that he did could change that cold and absent behaviour of his.

They looked like two strangers living in the same house by mistake, and Kei felt like that situation was suffocating him.

That day had been a good one for him.

They had done nothing in particular, but it had almost looked like they were the ones they had been before.

They had watched a movie and Daiki had helped him cooking dinner, they had taken a bath together and had spent the night channel surfing, laughing at ridiculous TV shows.

And then once in bed Daiki had taken the initiative for the first time in months, and Kei had taken it as a good sign, and the best thing happened that day.

But there still was something off, there was that small detail bothering him, capable of making his good mood disappear.

During the first months of their relationship, he remembered how when they were in bed Daiki loved to run his hands through his back, clawing it, caressing it, scratching from time to time. And he remembered the touch of those warm hands, he remembered how it felt like they almost burnt at their passage, and he remembered how much he liked them.

They weren’t anymore.

Kei knew it meant nothing, that it was just a feeling due to invisible elements, but he felt Daiki’s hands freezing on his skin.

Those fingers, cold, touching him, those wide palms, cold, caressing him slowly, they didn’t seem like they belonged to the one he had loved before.

But he kept quiet and bore it, because he still hoped that one day things could’ve been back like they had been before, because he repeated to himself that he had just to make an effort and go on, instead of lingering over those irrelevant details, when Daiki’s tiredness was more relevant, and Kei was sure he could’ve cured it if only he had tried a little bit more.

But Kei was tired to fight too.

He clung hard to Daiki’s chest, feeling tears press to get out of his eyes, and doing his best to hold them back.

He didn’t want to let him go, he couldn’t.

“I’ve had a really good time today. I’m glad your appointment got postponed.” he said all of a sudden, feigning a smile.

And Daiki put on a symmetrical face, messing his hair.

“I’ve had a good time too, Kei-chan. It has been a while since we have last spent some time together.”

Kei wished he could’ve heard some more sentiment or passion in those words, but as usual he settled for what he was given.

That morning Daiki had gotten a call, then he had told him that he was going to spend the day home, because the middle school friends he was supposed to meet had cancelled.

And Kei had smiled, of a sincere but tainted happiness, and had read the lie beneath his words, just like he always did, just like he had been aware since the first one Daiki had told him.

Because Kei knew there were no high school friends, and there weren’t interviews or sudden calls from his manager, he knew there was no week-end in Chiba at his mother’s, that there was nothing in those time spent out about which he was sincere.

Because Kei knew that each of those times Daiki was with Yamada.

Because he knew routine hadn’t killed their relationship, it was just that Daiki didn’t love him anymore.

And he had cried all of his tears, once realized that. He had cried, and then he had decided he wasn’t going to go out without a fight.

He would’ve patiently waited for Daiki’s hands to be warm again on his body, for that coldness to disappear, for him to show that there was still a trace of that love, that not all was lost.

“I love you, Dai-chan.” he murmured, almost instinctively, cuddling up closer to him.

There was a pause. Of a hundredth part of a second, but there was.

“I love you too, Kei.”

Kei cried just a couple of tears, but allowed himself to shed them.


End file.
